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Amma Appa Anger

In a parenting workshop at Corporation school [ where most of the parents are daily wagers ], 8yrs-12yr old children were asked to express what change they want to see from their parents . After listening to all the complaints from the parents they had about their children, school principal was asked to read verbatim what their wards shared. Few expressed that parents should not fight , few – mother should not shout at us, few – parents should not threaten us , many – not to say repeatedly to study . One 8y old child sharing got all of us shocked & moved – Inimel Enga Appava Ammava Kathiyala Kutha Solladinga [ Please ask my father not to harm & injure my mother with knife again ]

Parents, don’t perceive that these kind of stories happens only in corporation sectors , it happens in corporate sector too & get that every child will have a story like we do . What story child shares depends on our shoulders mostly .

Why do we get angry ? Are we taught to deal our anger ?

We always try to be calm & composed with our children but sooner or later we explode. Anger is a real emotion & it impacts us directly and indirectly.

We have been raised by our parents to always be happy & not express other emotions. We have been taught to suppress our emotions & we are passing it on to the next gen.

When a 7yr old is upset or irritable or crying , what we usually do ? Don’t be upset , Don’t cry, why are you irritable will be the common responses from us. The natural tendency for the child to acknowledge what he or she feels doesn’t flower up.

Some of the reasons we get angry towards our children are
  •  Our own emotional baggages that we have been carrying with us from the past which we are unaware but keep projecting onto our children our insecurities, wishes, dreams
  • Trying to fix our children within our tight time frame
  • Tired & stressed out over things for which our children may be responsible at times & not responsible most of the times
  •  Having unrealistic expectations with our children
To put in simple words, we always get angry when our NEEDS are not being met .

We can always reflect with a question to us – HOW DO WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO DEAL WHEN THEY ARE ANGRY ? – If you are able to take time & be honestly open with the insight that you will be showered for yourself – that’s the one you need to work on consistently.

When we keep shouting/slamming doors, we should not be surprised/shocked when our 5yr old/10y old does the same …HANDLING OUR ANGER starts with MANAGING OUR WELL-BEING

AGAM ParentSpace
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